This weekend I was pushed out of a few of my comfort zones, and it was terrifying.
I went to Dare 2 Share in Chicago with my youth group. I wasn't really eager to go to this, but felt I should... Because usually when I don't want to do something, God wants me to do it and uses things to make me do it. Being around 3,000 students and loud music and being stuck in crowds with no personal space, didn't really sound great to me. But, again, I felt God pushing me to do this.. So I did.
Dare 2 Share is a youth conference that trains youth to go out and share the gospel with their friends. This year was theme was 'Fearless'. It was based off of the verses found in Ephesians 6:19-20.
Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should. - Ephesians 6:19-20
I don't know that I really had a single 'God moment' there. More like a bunch of little things that created that God moment. The worship time at that conference was amazing. I really liked it, and cried a lot... I enjoyed the powerful dramas that they did, and the things that were taught.
Our youth pastor told us on Friday before we left for the conference that we would be doing the outreach part at a hospital. My first immediate thought was "No...." After what happened in Ecuador, I wasn't really ready to go back to a hospital and do outreach.
If you don't know what happened in Ecuador, here it is. While in Ecuador we went to a government hospital in Quito. Our team was split into three groups. Two of the groups were going to waiting areas of the hospital, and the third was going to the Oncology and ER area. Our mission was to hand out approximately 500 sandwiches and juice to the people who were waiting. I knew what area I was going to be sent to before we were even split off... I only knew because it was the area that I didn't want to go to, the oncology and ER unit.
Sure enough, I was sent there. I tried to get out of it, but yea... That didn't get me anywhere. It was really hard for me to see all of those hurting people who were literally trying to push their way into the doors of the Oncology unit. I pretty much broke down soon after we got there... I had never seen so many people packed so tightly together in the hallway or seeing guards at the Oncology unit doors trying to tell the people who were trying desperately to get in, that they had to wait.
It was really emotional. Seeing all the people hurting and dying of cancer, and having to wait for hours or days to even see a doctor was really difficult. It broke my heart. But, I made it through. It was good for me to be able to see what the reality is for so many people in the world...
Anyways, after that, I didn't really want to go back to a hospital. So, when Wade announced that we were going to do the hospital as our outreach, I just was not wanting to go. But it was good. I didn't personally get to share the Gospel with someone, unfortunately. I didn't feel like God was telling me to.
However, we got to go to the chapel in the hospital. There, we got to read through a book of prayers that people had written about themselves or family members who were sick. It was touching. we prayed over the people, even though they weren't there. And yes, it was emotional.
I think one of the challenges I had, was knowing that I was going to be uncomfortable and knowing that the youth leaders and closer friends who really knew me, would push me to do things that I just didn't want to do... And truly, that's the way it happened. I was pushed- but the big thing I was pushed into from this weekend, happened this morning.
Last night we were told that we would be sharing our experience in front of our church this morning. Okay, so that pretty much blew my comfort zone into pieces. I hate talking in front of any size crowd, it's pretty much the worst comfort zone line ever crossed (if and when it happens).
Anyways, I was sorta freaking out about it. Mostly silently in my head... I didn't want to do it, but was going to be forced to do it anyways. I told a friend last night, if there were two days out of this year I could choose to be sick on, it would have been today and then graduation Sunday in June. That's how much I hate talking in front of crowds. Yea, well, despite my prayers to be sick last night, I was fine this morning....
Everyone else did a good job, and even though people said I did good, I don't feel like I did. I survived. I did what I had to, and just got out of there. Even if no one else got anything out of what I said, that's okay. I was pushed outside my comfort zone, and I'm realizing that is going to be happening a lot during my life so I need to get used to it (despite how much I hate it right now....).
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A few things I have realized about my comfort zone... Unless I'm outside of my comfort zone, it's really hard to see God working through me. In my little comfort bubble, everything is the way I like it to be. I can try to remain 'invisible' and just go with the flow and follow the leader... But that isn't really what God is calling me to do.
Unless I take that risk and that single leap of faith to do something out of my comfort zone, I won't ever truly be able to see God work in my weaknesses. No matter how big of a leap outside my comfort zone it is, it's still out of it. Whatever God is calling me to do, I want to one day be able to do it without hesitation and without questioning it and without letting fear take over.
Just so you all know, if you haven't already figured this out, going on the mission field (whatever that looks like) is NOT me. Seriously. A year ago, I would have just said "No way am I ever going to go into the mission field..."
Yea, well that was me. I didn't want to do anything in ministry- and never thought that God would call me into it. Yet, he picked me. Out of all the people he could have chosen, he chose me.
One of the things I'm learning about God is if you say "I can't do this." or "I'll never do that..." chances are, God is going to make you do them. Not to be mean or anything, but to really show you His power in your weaknesses and your deepest fears. I think God laughs at me a lot, because I often say things along the lines of "I can't do this." and then I usually find myself doing it... Then God says, "See... I told you so."
Do I still question my calling? Yes. All the time. I feel so inadequate and feel like there are so many 'better' Christians out there and more ready for this. Yet, because God has called me to do it, I'm doing it. I don't know why. I'm excited about it, but at the same time I afraid.
This DTS is going to blow away every comfort zone I have, and will push me further than anything I've ever done before. I'm nervous. Since being accepted to do this DTS, I've only been pushed more outside of my comfort zone than ever. Mostly by God, but youth leaders and friends as well. God is proving to me that I need him more than ever to be able to do this. I want to see him work in me during this time, and he is.
Thank you to all who push me outside my comfort zone and force me to do things that "I can't do."
Unless I take that risk and that single leap of faith to do something out of my comfort zone, I won't ever truly be able to see God work in my weaknesses. No matter how big of a leap outside my comfort zone it is, it's still out of it. Whatever God is calling me to do, I want to one day be able to do it without hesitation and without questioning it and without letting fear take over.
Just so you all know, if you haven't already figured this out, going on the mission field (whatever that looks like) is NOT me. Seriously. A year ago, I would have just said "No way am I ever going to go into the mission field..."
Yea, well that was me. I didn't want to do anything in ministry- and never thought that God would call me into it. Yet, he picked me. Out of all the people he could have chosen, he chose me.
One of the things I'm learning about God is if you say "I can't do this." or "I'll never do that..." chances are, God is going to make you do them. Not to be mean or anything, but to really show you His power in your weaknesses and your deepest fears. I think God laughs at me a lot, because I often say things along the lines of "I can't do this." and then I usually find myself doing it... Then God says, "See... I told you so."
Do I still question my calling? Yes. All the time. I feel so inadequate and feel like there are so many 'better' Christians out there and more ready for this. Yet, because God has called me to do it, I'm doing it. I don't know why. I'm excited about it, but at the same time I afraid.
This DTS is going to blow away every comfort zone I have, and will push me further than anything I've ever done before. I'm nervous. Since being accepted to do this DTS, I've only been pushed more outside of my comfort zone than ever. Mostly by God, but youth leaders and friends as well. God is proving to me that I need him more than ever to be able to do this. I want to see him work in me during this time, and he is.
Thank you to all who push me outside my comfort zone and force me to do things that "I can't do."
Great article! Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing truth!
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