Uninspired

   Typically, when I sit down to write a blog post, I have a good idea of what it's going to look like. By the time I actually sit down to write it, I have a mental chart in my head of what the title will be, what points will be made, and how to end it....
 
   Not today.

   However, I feel pressured to write something, because it has been almost 20 days since my last post. Lately though, I have just felt really uninspired to write anything. I probably have about a dozen blog posts that I haven't posted, because I've only written one to two sentences before giving up.

   So, I find myself here. Writing... Or at least trying to write.

   This week I have realized how fast time is flying. I used to come up with sarcastic comments in my head when an adult would say, "Aw, you're growing up so fast. Time flies." I hated that. To me, when I was younger, time was far from flying. I mean, seriously.

   I'd get board playing with a toy and have to find a new thing to do. Even just picking out the perfect coloring page to color would take forever.... Nap time lasted forever and never seemed to end! I hated it when adults or teens would tell me "You'll be wanting naps when you're older." I mean, seriously..... In my head, no. I was never going to want naps once I was their age. Teens had the best life ever through the eyes of a 7 year old.

   Yea, well, I have realized now and can fully agree with things that I was told as a child. For instance, "Time flies." or "You'll be wanting naps when you're older." What I wouldn't give for a good long nap now....

   I wanted to grow up so fast and be done with school, but the seemingly endless days of school never seemed to end. I imagined myself as a senior in high school, and somehow.... I had come up with a very distorted vision of what being a teenager was like, as well as what being a senior in high school was like.

  Here I am. Finishing my senior year of high school. Although it is far from what I envisioned it would be, and although it is far more complicated than I thought it would be, that's okay. Graduation is a beautiful time. It's a new chapter.
 
  One of my favorite quotes describes high school well.
"It always seems impossible until it is done."
-Nelson Mandela.

The is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under heaven.

-Ecclesiastes 3:1

 

When you can't do anything

    I wish I could do more for someone when they're in pain. God has been using various examples this week to show me, that sometimes you don't need to do anything accept be present and pray.

    The example of this happened on Sunday afternoon. I was getting dinner ready. I had so much to do and was just trying to get it done. Suddenly by younger brother and sister ran into the house hysterical. Through the muffled sound of tears and gasps of breath, they had told us that a beloved kitten named Fiji was dead.

    It was like a scene from a movie. The rain was pouring, children with crying, and were running through the yard down to the road. There we stopped. The crumpled body of Fiji lay still. Rain kept pouring. We stared at the little kitten wondering how this could happen.

    We got back inside. I noticed that Danny had disappeared, and I knew that he was crying. Dinner was still on the stove and there was food in the oven. I was having a friend arrive in a few minutes... I couldn't help but go check on him. I wanted to know that he was okay.

   I found him curled up on the couch, sobbing. In that moment I had to come face to face with the fact that nothing I could possibly do could help ease the pain of loosing the precious kitten. I couldn't do anything to help him. I couldn't take away the pain he was feeling. In that moment, I felt God just nudge to sit with him. Just simply sit.

    I thought of all the things I had yet to do. I needed to continue making dinner. My friend would arrive anytime. As I was about to turn away, the story of Mary and Martha popped into my head.

   As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord don't you care that my sister has left me to do all the work by myself? Tell her to help me!" 
   "Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "You are worried about so many things, but few things are needed--or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."
-Luke 10:38-42

   I was Martha. I was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made, that I forgot about who I should have been serving.

   I sat down next to my brother. He sat up and moved closer to me. I stroked his hair and rubbed his back. I didn't say anything. No words needed to be said. All he needed in those moments was to feel loved, and cared about. He was extremely sad about the loss of the kitten. I sat with him for about 15 minutes.

   I got up and went back to the kitchen. I just felt assured that what I had just taken the time out to do had mattered more than anything else I could have done.

   Sometimes, you have to sit down in order to stand. 

   Feeling completely helpless in any relationship is hard. I felt completely helpless with what happened on Sunday night. I couldn't do anything or say anything to take away the pain. It was a choice. I could have been upset that my preparations for dinner were being thrown the window, or I could just find the peace in knowing that I had done what truly matter for that time.

   I chose to just find that peace  in knowing that what I had done by just simply sitting, was what mattered. Sometimes you don't have to do anything except be present to a person and just be willing to comfort them without words.